


Being Human

by ailuthien



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-04 23:52:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4157694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailuthien/pseuds/ailuthien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam cut his hand open and put it against the mouth of a covered with blood, sweat and tears King of Hell. His last act as a demon was swallowing the Winchester's blood down his throat. Then, everything went black.</p><p>AU where Bobby is still alive!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hello, humanity

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody!  
> Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Crowley had been cured? I have. By the way, this is an AU where Bobby is still alive!  
> English is not my first language, so I prevent you there are going to be some mistakes. If you spot some of them, please feel free to tell me so I'll fix them as soon as possible. Enjoy!!
> 
> Big hugs for everybody! xoxo

Sam cut his hand open and put it against the mouth of a covered with blood, sweat and tears King of Hell. His last act as a demon was swallowing the Winchester's blood down his throat. Then, everything went black.

The next thing he remembered was waking up with Sam Winchester lying in front of his feet, he wasn’t moving “Moose?” he called him worried “Moose? Are you okay? Can you hear me?” but the young man didn’t reply. Crowley pulled at the chains, he struggled and squirmed without achieving anything, only making his wrists bleed. He tried to stand up but he fell against the floor, his head hitting first, making him groan. He could tell he had an open wound as blood started to fall down his head, some of it making its way to his eye. He closed said eye and called for Sam once more, but again, no reply. He started to crawl up to him, feeling the cold floor under his body, grazing his cheek as he pushed himself up to him “Moose?” he called again, angst in his voice as he realized that he wasn’t even breathing.

Then, a cold breeze caressed the back of his head, there were hard footsteps coming from behind “Sammy!” Dean’s voice resonated all over the church. He ran over Crowley and knelt by his brother’s side “Sam, no! Sam! Sam!” he shouted as he shook his limp body. Crowley looked at them, he saw tears making their way down Dean’s cheek. Then, he understood.

“Is he... gone?” Crowley asked in a quiet mutter “W-why? What happened?” he kept asking, but Dean didn’t reply “Dean?”

Dean left Sam’s body on the floor with care and stood up. He looked down at Crowley with anger, his fists clenched “You bloody bastard!” he shouted at the demon and kicked him on his stomach. It hurt him like it had never hurt him before. He could feel some of his ribs cracking under the other’s foot, making him cough and pant for air, blood coming out from his mouth. Then, a second time, even a harder kick, his vision blurred and suddenly, something hit his head, knocking him out.

* * *

When Crowley started to regain his consciousness, all he could feel was pain, he didn't know for how long he had been unconscious. He slowly opened his eyes, all the room was spinning around him. He closed them again and tried to take some deep breaths, but he ended up crying in pain, some of his ribs were broken, he was sure. He opened his eyes again and tried to focus, blinking several times trying to make it stop. He brought one of his hands to his head trying to sooth his headache. Realising then that his hands were free, he moved his hand and took a hold of his own neck, the collar was gone.

He remained on the freezing floor some minutes before he started to sit up. He pushed himself up slowly, feeling the pain on his wrists as they flexed, feeling the stinging pain in his chest, feeling his head throb. He stayed still some more minutes, gasping and trying to stop the room from spinning. When he finally stood up, his legs started to tremble, making him feel ill and powerless. He walked up to the door stumbling with his own feet and when he pulled it open, a freezing breeze hit his skin. He shuddered and stepped out of the church. It was dark outside, but the moonlight was enough for him to see that he was in the middle of nowhere.

He decided to walk next to the road which was some steps away from him, the pain in his chest becoming unsupportable whenever he tried to walk too fast. Thankfully the dawn was near, so he wouldn’t have to bear with that horrible cold for much longer. Hours passed, it was already day and the sun was warming Crowley’s skin when he saw a car on the horizon. His lips curled up lightly, maybe they could take him somewhere, maybe they had some water or something to eat. He couldn’t let that car go away, so he stepped in the middle of the road to make sure they saw him. But the car didn’t stop, maybe because he was covered with blood, maybe because they were heartless people. He didn’t know. The only thing he knew was that he was thrown back against the hard tar. He pulled himself up with a groan and continued walking. After some more hours he realized where he was. The nearer place he knew was Bobby Singer’s house.

He didn’t know how much time it took him to arrive at Bobby’s, all he knew was that his mouth was dry, his stomach empty and his body hurt. As soon as he reached for the door, he knocked against it and prayed to God to be heard because he didn’t know anywhere else to go. He heard those firm footsteps approaching to the door, he could feel himself trembling lightly when the door opened. Judging by Bobby’s expression he was sure he wasn’t welcome. The hunter backed up a little and reached for his gun, Crowley’s eyes went wide as he saw how he loaded it and pointed it at his head. He put his hands up in the air “No, please! Please don’t shoot me!” he begged, his eyes were filled with terror and all his body was trembling.

“What are you doin’ here?” Bobby’s voice was hard, just as it had always been, but this time with something more behind it.

“I-I don’t have where to go.” Crowley stuttered, not knowing what else should be said “I’ve lost my powers, I’m not a demon any more, I’m human!” he told him, nervousness clearly visible on his voice because of the gun aiming at him, if he shot just once, he would be dead forever. He couldn’t let that happen.

“I know it.” Bobby almost spatted at him “You bloody bastard.” he said as his finger curled on the trigger. Crowley closed his eyes waiting for everything to end, but instead of the sound of a gun being shot “What do you want?” he heard Bobby asking him.

“My mouth’s dry. Some water, please?” Crowley replied quietly and the hunter put his gun away.

Bobby sighed and looked around “Come in.” he said and walked up to the kitchen, he took a glass and poured some water in it. Crowley walked in, closing the door behind him and then, he followed him to the kitchen. When he handed him the glass, he took it with shaky hands and brought it to his lips, drinking it so eagerly that some water went down his chin.

“More, please.” he said and handed it back to Bobby who just filled it again and gave it back to him. Crowley emptied it once more and sighed with relief, causing some pain in his chest. Bobby saw the wince on his face but said nothing “Thank you.” Crowley said sincerely and gave him the glass.

“Don’t thank me, just leave.” Bobby told him.

“But I don’t have anywhere to go.” Crowley said.

“Do I look like I care?” Bobby told him “Sam’s blood’s all over your hands. I’m not going to let you stay here. I ain’t mad.” he said “You are just a bastard, a heartless thing, you deserve to die, you deserve to pay for all what you did, Crowley. And believe me, I ain’t helping you. You disgust me. The only reason I didn’t shot you when you knocked at my door was because I am not like you, I’m not a monster. You wanted some water. I gave you some water. Now, leave.” Crowley felt his stomach knot and suddenly, he felt the urge to throw up. Bobby’s hurting words continued “Everything, Crowley. If you hadn’t been here, everything would have been fine, Sam would be here. This world would have been better without you. All the people you killed, all what you did...” Bobby said and shook his head “And yet you are here while Sam is gone.”

Those words were enough to trigger the feelings Crowley hadn't experienced for so long. He felt a rush of emotions all over his being: guilt, anger, sadness, loneliness, fear. All what his demonic soul had kept locked all those years. He looked at Bobby with a hurt look on his face “It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t choose to be like this. I did not want to become human. The pain, the feelings... I can’t.” he told him, his breath shaking. The once used to be King of Hell was overwhelmed by his own feelings. All kind of thoughts rushing through his mind, all kind of emotions. He just exploded “All the guilt. Moose... I-I didn’t want that to happen. He ‘cured’ me, he gave his life to do it. But you were the ones who chose for me."

For years, he had been told it was all his fault, and it had never affected him. But now, Bobby's words had made him lose control of his own body, his eyes were filling with tears "Stop treating me like it is all my fault!” he shouted as tears fell down his cheeks “Because it isn’t.” he said in almost a whisper, his voice broken. He had done horrible things, things that would persecute him to the end of his days, but Sam's death was not one of them.

Bobby didn’t look away, he analysed the man in front of him. He looked devastated, the pain was real, the physical pain and the emotional pain. He looked like a lost pup. This time was when he started to notice all Crowley’s wounds, the visible cut on his head, the bruises on his face, his broken lip, his sore neck and wrists, and those were only the visible wounds. Bobby pressed his lips in a thin line. He had never seen a demon cry, he had never seen a demon feel anything at all. He had just told him he was a monster, but if he kicked him out now he wouldn’t be anything less “Yeah, you weren't the one who chose this...” he said and remained quiet for a while. Crowley was not a demon, not any more “You should take a shower. After that, I’ll help you with those wounds.”

Crowley nodded, his body relaxing at those words “Bathroom?” he asked him.

“Second one, on the left.” Bobby replied and then, Crowley left.


	2. Guilt

Bobby’s bathroom, like the average bathroom, had, of course, a mirror. That was the first time Crowley saw the state in which he was now. His clothes fell one by one, revealing all his bruises. The sight of his maimed body made him feel miserable, he wasn’t able to heal himself, not any more. He was condemned to spend the rest of his life in this body and then die. All his powers were now replaced with useless feelings, feelings that he’d have to learn to control, he told to himself as some tears started to roll down his cheeks once more.

Crowley stepped into the shower and turned on the tap. The water felt freezing cold against his bare skin, making him cry quietly and step as far as he could from the jet. He waited some time until the hot water came, then he stepped under it. He felt his wounds burning and once again, he felt helpless. He tried to focus on how good the warm water felt against his cold skin, how it soaked his hair and warmed his body. He remained under the jet absent-minded for some minutes while the water warmed up all his body before he proceeded to wash himself. Once he finished, he stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his body and ruffled his hair with a second one. He stayed still for a while, wrapped in the towels and staring at the mirror which had fogged up, feeling how he started to get cold again. He realized then, that he didn’t have any clean clothes. He pulled the door open, the cold air that came in made him shudder. He popped his head by the door-frame and looked for Bobby but he didn’t saw him so he stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him so the room would remain warm once he returned.

Crowley walked barefoot to the living room and found Bobby there, but he was so immersed in a book that he didn’t realize that he had stepped into the room. Crowley opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, he looked down and wrapped the towel even tighter around his body, he pursed his lips and then he looked up “Robert...” he called quietly, but loud enough for the other to notice him.

Bobby finished the page and set the book on the table before looking up at Crowley “Go back to the bathroom, I’ll just bring the first aid kit there.” he said as he stood up.

Crowley barely nodded as he looked down at his feet, he didn’t want him to take care of his wounds but he couldn’t say no, so he obeyed anyway. He took a few, reluctantly steps towards the door and then he stopped to look at Bobby who was already walking up the stairs “Robert.” Crowley called him again, a little bit louder this time, Bobby stopped and looked down at him “I’ll be needing some clothes too.” he told him. Bobby merely growled in reply and continued walking up the stairs. Crowley sighed, the pain in his chest making him tighten his grip at the towel, and walked back to the bathroom.

It didn’t take long for Bobby to head to the bathroom bringing some clothes and the first aid kit with him, finding Crowley standing on a corner when he entered. He handed him a pair of trunks and Crowley eyed them “Don’t worry they are new. I’ve never wore them. Not my style.” Bobby told him as Crowley picked them up reluctantly and examined them, making sure they were new. He then turned his back to Bobby, let the towels fall on the floor and put the pants on, gasping in pain when he bent.

“Sit on the toilet.” Bobby told him from behind.

Crowley did as he was told and looked up at him. Bobby had some cotton wool soaked with antiseptic on his hand “Close your eyes.” he told him. As soon as Crowley shut them, Bobby started to wipe one of the cuts on his head, and once he finished he put a band aid on it. Then, he pulled his chin up and he continued with his lip “You can open your eyes now if you want to.” Bobby told him and he slowly opened them. He was extremely close to him and it was really uncomfortable, so Crowley looked away. Bobby had already finished with his lip and was doing the ones on his neck. He was so close he could feel his breath against his skin. He pulled away lightly but Bobby complained "Don't move, idjit..." 

When he finished, he took another cotton wool and soaked it with alcohol, then he reached for Crowley’s hand. At first he was surprised and tried to pull away his hand from Bobby’s but then he realized that the other was just treating the cuts on his wrists, so he just tried to relax. It burnt, but it was nothing compared to the pain in his chest. There was something in the way that Bobby was holding his hand that made him know he would not harm him. Maybe it was the softness in which such a rough hand held his. Maybe the way in which he cleaned his wounds. He gently left Crowley’s hand on his knee and took the other one. Crowley realised then that he had never been treated with such a level of care. It was ridiculously sad. Once he finished, Bobby bandaged both of his wrists “All right... that’s done.” he told him.

Crowley looked down at his hands “Thank you.” he said quietly. Bobby put his hand against his chest now, making him frown “What are you doing?” he asked him and looked down at his hand which was dangerously approaching to where Dean had kicked him. Bobby’s fingertips trailed on Crowley’s chest, applying enough pressure to locate his ribs, then there it was, as he had expected, a spot felt tender under his fingers. Crowley cried with pain when he touched it and grabbed him by his wrist pushing his hand away “Don’t touch it!” he groaned.

“They are broken.” Bobby pointed out.

“Oh!? Do you think so, Sherlock!?” Crowley almost shouted “I didn’t realize! No! Not at all!”

“I think I have some painkillers left.” Bobby told him “Dress up, I’ll just go to check.” he said and pulled away from him. He opened the door and walked out of the room.

As soon as he left, Crowley stood up, picked up the clothes he had given him and sniffed them, they were clean but they smelt like Bobby. He slid into the oversized jeans and put on the t-shirt. His hands were half hidden into the sleeves and when he walked he stepped on the jeans, so he rolled up his sleeves and pulled up at the trousers legs. But as soon as he released them they slid down again. He sighed and decided it was fine, he couldn’t do anything about it so he just walked up to the living room tripping with the jeans.

He saw that Bobby was in the kitchen filling a glass with water. When Crowley stepped in, he handed the glass and a pill to him. The ex-demon looked down at the pill on his hand for a while before taking it and putting it into his mouth. He trusted the hunter. Maybe he shouldn't, but he did trust him. He took the glass of water and swallowed it all together.

Bobby watched him, Crowley looked so small and vulnerable in his clothes. He could have killed him so many times already, at the front door, in the bathroom, right now... He could have poisoned him right now. Crowley was clever enough to know that, yet he had decided take that pill, he had decided to trust him. Or at least that's what it seemed. He examined him again, he looked so fragile. Crowley noticed the way the hunter was looking at him and shifted uncomfortable. Bobby’s eyes went up to his face again “Are you hungry?” he asked him.

“Starving.”

“Sandwich?”

“Please.” Crowley almost pleaded.

“Just take a sit. You shouldn’t move with those broken ribs, you should be resting.” Bobby told him and took two slices of bread to make him a sandwich.

Crowley sat on a chair and looked at him “Robert.” he called after a while when his sandwich was almost finished “Why are you doing this?” he asked him “You know, when I knocked at your door you just tried to kill me and now you are helping me. Why did you change your mind?”

Bobby handed him the sandwich and Crowley took it “Because I ain’t a monster.” he told him and took a seat in front of him. Crowley considered his answer and nodded lightly before biting at the sandwich, letting out a satisfied groan at how good it tasted.

“Thank you.” was all Crowley said.

When he finished the sandwich, Bobby stood up “Come on, you have to rest now. You’ll be staying in the guests room.” he told him. Crowley simply stood up and followed Bobby to the room. He pulled the door open “So there’s the bed.” he said and shrugged. Crowley walked up to the bed and sat on the edge “Just make yourself feel comfortable.” Bobby said and left, closing the door behind him and leaving Crowley on his own.

Crowley started to cry as soon as the other left. Silently, he lay on the bed and covered his face with the shirt sleeves. He didn’t know when, but he fell asleep between one of the countless blames his mind made him.

 


	3. Recover

Days passed, even weeks. Crowley merely talked, he would eat and go back to bed. Bobby would sometimes find him absent-minded when he had just finished eating. He would see him crying without making a sound, tears sliding down his cheeks. The wounds were healing, just like any other human body would have healed. Nearly after a month, all the physical injuries had disappeared, but Bobby was sure that inside, he was ripped to pieces.

That’s why, one morning, he decided he had to do something about it, he couldn't let him pass the rest of his life depressed, specially when it was Sam’s life which had been given in exchange. He found Crowley sitting on the couch, caressing the cover of one of his books with his fingertips, wearing the same expressionless face he had been wearing since he arrived “Hey.” he said to catch his attention. Crowley stopped moving his hands and looked up at him “It’s been nearly a month now. You look fully recovered to me. You’ll have to start to make yourself useful if you want to stay here.” Bobby told him “Have you ever fixed a car?” he asked him. The man in front of him just shook his head in response “Stand up, I’m going to teach you. We have work to do.” and with that said, Bobby headed for the principal door and Crowley followed him.

They walked between some broken cars and trucks until they arrived to the garage, an old station wagon was parked there “All right, first of all, open the hood.” Bobby said and handed him the keys. Crowley took them and frowned lightly, not really knowing what to do “Oh come on, what have you been doing during those 300 years?” he sighed.

Since that day, Bobby would teach him about engines. It took some time, but Crowley ended up learning. Most of the times he would finish up with his face covered with oil because he didn’t pay enough attention and Bobby would smile at that, refusing to think it was endearing. Months passed when both men had become a team. Bobby wasn’t able to tell when, but his house had become as tidy and clean as when Karen was alive. All his clothes had been ironed and their holes had been sewed. Crowley showed some amelioration signs, not many, but it was something. Bobby would have been proud of it if it hadn’t been because Crowley, who used to be the most talkative person ever, only spoke to him when he was asked direct questions.

Everything was going all right until one day in which Bobby had gone to bed late. The hunter took off his clothes and replaced them with his pyjama pants and a sleeveless shirt. As soon as his head touched the pillow he heard Crowley shouting like mad. He quickly stood up and rushed downstairs “Crowley!?” he called as he pulled the door open and switched on the lights, only to find him sweating and with his eyes filled with tears.

Bobby took a few steps towards the trembling man in front of him “Crowley, hey, what happens?” he said as he saw he started to hyperventilate “Hey, hey! Stop, calm down.” he told him and took him by his shoulders “It’s Bobby. I’m here, look at me.” he said as he squeezed him lightly.

Crowley’s eyes trailed up to his face, Bobby could see the horror in his eyes “R-Robert?” he almost whimpered while Bobby moved to kneel on the bed.

“Yes, it’s me. I’m here, everything’s fine.” he told him and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around his body and rubbing his back soothingly. Crowley’s body responded almost instantly to his touch and clung to him, hiding his head in his chest and sobbing. Bobby held him close as he hiccuped, Crowley’s grip tightening as he tried to bury himself into the other’s body “Shh... I’m here. You are safe.” he whispered and moved his hand to caress his hair as he whimpered.

Crowley slowly started to calm down and after a while he ended up releasing Bobby from his grip. Reluctantly, he pulled away a few inches to find his eyes fixed on him. He felt helpless and ashamed as he saw the way Bobby looked at him, seeing the pity in his eyes.

“It’s all fine. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Bobby said, seeming to read his thoughts. He moved his hand to cup Crowley’s cheek and Crowley leaned at the touch, eyes falling shut for a while, focusing on how relieving his rough, warm hand felt against his wet face “I can stay here with you for the rest of the night if you want me to.” Bobby offered and Crowley’s hand met his.

But Crowley sighed and pulled Bobby's hand away from his face before gently settling it on his lap “You don’t have to.” he said quietly, trying to hide his pain but failing miserably.

“I want to.” Bobby said with a serious look on his face and looked at Crowley for a while before lying on the bed. Crowley hesitantly joined him, but he didn’t dare to draw closer until Bobby put his hand on his waist invitingly. Then, he pulled himself closer and curled. Bobby was gently caressing his scalp, helping him to relax.

After a while, Crowley put his arm around Bobby’s torso “Robert...” he mumbled and the other growled in response “It’s overwhelming.” he told him and Bobby stayed quiet, encouraging him to continue “I’ve been having nightmares since this happened. Since I became human.” he paused, his fingers curling lightly on Bobby’s side, grasping him “I’ve been trying to cope with it. B-but the nightmares won’t stop. I feel helpless and the guilt... The guilt it’s drowning me, Robert. It’s killing me. I don’t know what to do.” he confessed and curled even more, making himself seem smaller.

Bobby pressed his lips in a thin line before he spoke “Look, Crowley.” he started “What you did before, back from when you were a demon, it was bad, it was horrible. Actually, I’m not sure there are words to describe what you did. But, as I said, you were a demon, you were just a twisted soul with an ego. You didn’t have sentiments, you didn’t feel guilt. It was just fine for you, ain’t I right?” he asked and Crowley nodded lightly “What you did was wrong and now you know it, now you feel it was wrong. You are human, and you’ve mourned enough for what you did before. You have to move on. Crying won’t stop making you feel this way. You’ll always feel bad for what you did, but martyr yourself is not the answer. You can’t do anything to fix it, those who are gone won’t come back.” he told him and felt how Crowley’s fingers tightened their grip.

“I’m sorry, Robert.” he whimpered.

“I know you are.” Bobby told him “Tomorrow’s another day. A new beginning filled with promise, hope and the opportunity to start over.” he said and planted a chaste kiss on his forehead “Come on, now stop crying and try to sleep, it will make you good.” he told him and wiped his tears away with his thumb. Then, he reached for the switch and turned off the lights.

“Good night, Robert.”

“Night.”

The next morning, when Crowley woke up, he found himself wrapped into Bobby’s arms, protectively. He blinked his eyes open and saw that Bobby was already awake.

“How did you sleep?” Bobby asked him before he could even say a word.

Crowley shifted a bit “I slept fine. I’ve been able to rest at last.” he said honestly and saw Bobby smile lightly “It’s a new day I guess.”

And Bobby would say that since that day he noticed an effort on Crowley’s part, a change of attitude. Crowley had started to talk to him, he had started to be more and more sincere with him as days went by. Bobby would listen to him, no matter what. He had seen Crowley smile and even laugh, his big eyes looked brighter as he slowly forgave himself, as he slowly started a new life.

Bobby wouldn’t have been able to say when they had started to be so close to each other. When they sat on the couch their bodies touched, it wasn’t uncomfortable, Crowley would sometimes end up sleeping against Bobby’s shoulder and it was fine. When Crowley handed him the tools to fix the cars, their fingers would sometimes brush but it didn’t feel awkward. Yet, when one day Crowley planted a chaste kiss on his cheek, it surprised him and made him smile.

It became a routine, it became their quotidian. Small touches and caresses. Fond smiles and honeyed kisses.


	4. Hunting

"Can I come with you?" Crowley asked "Please. I'll be a good boy. I know a lot about those creatures, I may be helpful. I won't let them hurt me, I promise."

Bobby narrowed his eyes. Garth had called him that morning just when they had finished breakfast. Some vampire attacks had been reported recently, given that Garth couldn't go because he was dealing with some werewolves, he asked Bobby to make him a favour and go there. He had accepted, of course, even when it was a 7 hour drive away.

When he had told Crowley that he would have to leave for some time until the problem was solved, Crowley insisted on going with him. But Bobby wasn't sure if taking him to a hunt would be the best idea. It would be dangerous, they could take him as a hostage or worse, they could hurt him.

Crowley's hand cupped his "Come on." he said as his thumb rubbed his wrist "Please?"

Bobby looked up at him, Crowley was making his best puppy eyes "All right." he sighed.

He smiled "Thank you. I'll get ready." he told him and quickly pressed his lips against Bobby's before leaving. Bobby shook his head lightly as Crowley walked away, smiling because of the kiss.

When both of them were ready, they got into the car. Bobby was the one driving, Crowley was looking through the window, the wind hitting his face.

Bobby glanced at him, he'd been tapping the rhythm of each song until now. He was thinking about something, and by the way his lips pursed, Bobby knew it was his past "What are you thinking about?" he asked him.

Crowley bit his lip "I miss when I could just snap my fingers and go to the other side of the world within seconds." he told him "It would have been a very useful thing, shame it went away too." he sighed.

"Yeah, it would have been a good thing. But, to be honest, I enjoy driving." Bobby said, changing the subject, not wanting him to remember bad memories. He knew way too well that when he did, he saddened drastically. 

"Well, I don't think my human butt is made for this." Crowley mumbled and shifted uncomfortably.

"Your butt hurts already? Really?" Bobby chuckled "It's just been a couple of hours."

"Shut up." he hushed him, embarrassed "I don't enjoy driving. I don't even know how to drive. I just get to put my head through the window like a dog, because someone won't even teach me." he accused him, narrowing his eyes.

"I wanted to, but last time you just tried to kill me. I'm not risking it again." Bobby replied.

"I didn't do that on purpose!" Crowley complained "It was the car's fault. When I tried to stop it, it didn't want to stop, it accelerated instead."

"You pressed the wrong pedal, idjit." Bobby sighed "Anyway, if you don't enjoy this, why did you insist on coming?" he asked him.

"I've been at Sioux Falls for months. Do you think I wouldn't take the chance to leave?" Crowley told him and raised an eyebrow "I needed fresh air." he said as he put his arm through the window "And..." Crowley went on "I came because you were going. Because of your company." he tapped against the outside of the door "You already know that." he said and saw Bobby smile lightly.

When they finally arrived to their motel, Bobby told Crowley to get a room for the both of them while he parked and organised all his weapons. When Crowley asked for a twin room, they told him that there weren’t any left, but that they still had a double room. Knowing that there weren’t any other motels near, he took it.

He remembered then, the last time he slept wrapped into Bobby's arms. It had been because of his nightmare and it had been the best night of sleep he had ever had. Robert made him feel safe, safe and warm. After that night, they had never shared a bed again. Crowley knew he usually fell asleep on the sofa next to Bobby, using him as a pillow, but when it was time to go to bed, Robert always woke him up and told him to go to sleep in his room. They had been kissing and sharing those little touches but nothing else. Neither their beds, nor their bodies.

The thing was that Crowley loved Robert. He loved him. He really did. Crowley wanted to love and wanted to be loved. Robert had been the most caring person he had ever known, the gentlest and sweetest one. His feelings for him were strong and deep, not because he owed him his human life but because he made him happy. But, as certain as he was about his own feelings, the hunter's were a big mystery.

Robert had been alone for so many years and when we, humans, are alone, the mere fact of having someone there who keeps you company is enough. So, Bobby’s actions may not have been motivated by a love so sincere like the one Crowley hid in his bosom, but by a mere need of affection. Bobby wasn't insensible to him, but he doubted Bobby wanted something else than a simple fellowship. 

Crowley sighed, trying to come to a conclusion before Bobby's arrival, but he couldn't, the hunter was already there. He kicked away those thoughts and waved at him lightly to catch his eye.

“So, how did it go? Will we be able to sleep here tonight?” Bobby asked as soon as he approached to him.

"They couldn't do a room with two separate beds for us." Crowley told him and handed him the key.

"It's fine." he replied "We can sleep together I guess." he said and they started to walk up to their room.

It was too late to go outside to look for those vampires, so Bobby decided they would eat and then go to bed to save energy for tomorrow. When it was bedtime, Crowley pursed his lips lightly, wondering whether they would sleep each one by their side or, like the other night, they would end up wrapped around each other.

Bobby was already laying on the bed, eyes closed "Come on, turn the lights off and get in." he told him.

Crowley did as he was told. First, he lay on the edge of the bed. This time there weren't nightmares to protect him from, he was okay, he didn't need to be soothed, so Bobby would barely give him any kind of comfort. And given that they had work to do the next day, sleeping each one on their side was the best.

But wasn't the edge too far away?

Yes, the edge was too far away from Bobby. He wanted to be closer.

He crawled closer. Was it too much?

Yes, it was too much, if one of them turned over they would hit the other.

He wanted to be close but they couldn't be that close.

He shifted again.

There. Uhm. Now it was okay, not too close not too far.

Or maybe was it still too close? 

"Stop moving, you idjit." Bobby told him and wrapped his arms around him, bringing him close and locking him into place. Crowley tensed at first, but then he relaxed and curled into his arms without saying a word.

* * *

The next day, it didn't take long for them to find the vampires. There was a nest in the town, about eight vampires lived happily in a cottage by the woods. They needed a plan.

"So, what are we going to do?" Crowley asked as he tapped his fingers against the table where they had just had lunch.

"I go in there and you stay in the car." he stated.

"What? No! Why?!" Crowley demanded and frowned "Why would I stay in the car? You can't go there by yourself! Are you mad or something? It's a big damn nest, Robert!"

"It's because it's a big damn nest that I don't want you to go in there." he told him.

"Why not? Because I would be a handicap to you, is that it?" Crowley said and shook his head in disagreement.

"No, it's not that." Bobby told him "It's been a long time since you fought and the last time you did you were basically invincible. I don't want you to take unnecessary risks. I don't want you to step in the middle and get hurt, okay?" he explained, but Crowley pursed his lips. Bobby sighed "You are important to me and I don't want anything or anyone hurting you." he said and looked seriously at him "So you stay in the car, safe, where no vampire will harm you."

Crowley looked at him a few seconds before speaking "But what about you? Robert, you can't go there alone. What if they hurt you? What if they killed you?" he said and shook his head at the thought of losing him "You are important to me too, very indeed." he mumbled. Much more than simple caresses and kisses. Much more than a simple friendship. 

"They won't. All right?"  he told him and put his hand on top of Crowley's "They won't." he said and squeezed his hand "Come on, we've got work to do." he said and stood up before Crowley could say anything else. 

In less than ten minutes they arrived. Bobby parked a few meters from the nest, far enough to hide the car from those vampires.

Bobby could see the worry in Crowley's eyes "I'll be fine." he said and put his hand on his thigh "Wait for me, okay? Do not get through that door, do you understand?" he told him but Crowley barely nodded "Promise me, Crowley." he said, voice deep.

Crowley sighed "Okay, fine. I'll stay here. I promise." he mumbled. He didn't want him to leave, he was afraid he wouldn't come back.

Bobby cupped his cheek with his hand and kissed him. A long and firm kiss, full of sentiment before stepping out of the car. Crowley started to reach for him, he wanted him to stay. He wanted to tell him everything. He wanted to put to words his feelings and tell him please don't go, please stay with me. But he couldn't. He dropped his hand "Don't do anything stupid, Robert." he said in a whisper.

"I won't." he told him and walked up to the cottage's front door. Then, he disappeared into it.

Crowley looked down at his hands, he couldn't let Bobby alone, he needed to be there with him. He knew that if something happened to Bobby and he wasn't there to prevent it, he would never be able to forgive himself. He just couldn't imagine his life without that old, grumpy, yet sweet hunter. He couldn't stay in the car when the person he loved was there, on his own, fighting monsters. He shook his head. No.

In the end, it didn't take him more than 10 minutes to push the car's door open and take a gun which he loaded with dead man's blood bullets and pick up the biggest knife he found. He took a deep breath and approached to the cottage. He heard things smashing and people screaming as he got closer, thankfully that meant it wasn't too late. Robert was still there.

As soon as he entered, he counted seven bodies on the floor. A vampire was on Robert, pressing him so hard against the wall that it was cracking behind him. He raised the gun he had loaded and shot without thinking it twice. The vampire let Bobby go, groaning in pain.

"Here, Count Chocula!" Crowley teased him, and within seconds the vampire jumped on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, there! I just wanted to thank you for reading this story, it means a lot to me. If you are enjoying, please let me know :D  
> I know I should have updated this work regularly, which I didn't... I am sorry. From now on, I'll try to keep it a chapter per week at least. I apologise for making you wait so much :(  
> See you for the 5th chapter next week!  
> Love you all xoxo


	5. Carpe Diem

The vampire jumped on Crowley, taking him down to the floor, the gun falling far away from him as well as his knife “Bite me.” he teased him even more. The vampire wrapped his hands around Crowley’s neck and started to strangle him. He tried to push him away but he couldn't, vampires were way stronger than he remembered. If he were still a demon, only with a snap of his fingers that vampire would have already exploded. But now, those hands seemed to be made of steel and circled his tender neck almost perfectly. He tried to reach for his knife but it was too far away, he couldn't take it, no matter what he did. He wished he was still a demon, it would have been very simple. 

As he struggled to get the knife, he saw Bobby. He was still on the floor, barely moving, probably unconscious. If the vampire killed Crowley, Bobby would be next. He couldn't let that happen, he couldn't. He tried to call him, but nothing left his lips, he was choking, only dry sounds coming from his throat. The vampire pushed him harder against the floor, hitting his head and producing a dizzy feeling he knew way too well. His lungs burned and his vision was starting to get blurry. He blacked out.

* * *

“Crowley!” he shouted "Crowley for god's sake!" Bobby's voice sounded right in front of him. Crowley wondered if he was dreaming when he felt a couple of rough hands against his cheeks. Then, one of those hands slapped him, hard enough to bring him back to reality.

"Ro... bert?" his voice sounded hoarse and his throat hurt. He opened his eyes and smiled when he saw him kneeling by his side. The vampire's head lay on the floor, a few meters away from them. Probably as soon as he blacked out, Bobby had recovered and cut the vampire's neck. Crowley sighed in relief and pushed himself up “Robert, are yo-” he was going to ask, but Bobby pulled him for a hug, a very tight one.

“You, idjit.” he mumbled as he pressed Crowley harder against his body.

Crowley closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Bobby who kept holding him close, not letting him go “Robert, I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me.” he whispered and rested his head on his chest “Everything’s all right.” he said as he rubbed his back gently.

"Don't you dare, idjit, don't you dare doing that to me again." Bobby told him and put his hand on Crowley's head protectively "Karen, Ellen... not you. I'm not going through that again." he mumbled, his voice trembling lightly.

Was he crying? Crowley wanted to turn his head to look up at him, but Bobby kept him on place. Maybe all this had made him remember bad memories "We should leave." he muttered.

"Just give me a second." Bobby told him and kept hugging him for some time before stepping away from him. Then, they left the cottage and got in to the car. Crowley noticed how Bobby's eyes darted over him from time while he was driving, checking on him. Once they arrived, Bobby took a shower first, and then Crowley.

Crowley used the shower as his thoughts room, the water helped him clean his body and his own mind. He inevitably thought of what happened today, they almost got killed, which showed how pathetic his human existence was and at the same time showed him how important they were to each other. The way Robert hugged him meant nothing but that he didn't want to lose him.

Crowley remembered when they were in the car. He wanted to tell Bobby he loved him. He needed to tell him the truth, he couldn't continue like this, at least not for much longer. Robert meant the world to him. If he told him, what's the worst that could happen? Losing him forever. Yes, that would be horrible. And what was the best that could happen? Bobby loving him back. That would be wonderful.

Remaining quiet and hiding his feelings would be the worst thing he could do if Bobby felt something too, right? If Bobby felt something, he could just wait until he decided to confess his feelings too. But what if that never happened? What if Bobby never dared to take that step? What if a monster killed one of them just before they could put their feelings to words? The idea terrified him. They were humans, they had to live the moment. Their existence could end at any second. If the feelings were mutual, they had do start living now.

Crowley stepped out of the shower, dried himself and put on his clothes. He was going to tell him today. Robert had to know, and he needed to know his opinion. He needed to know if Robert loved him the same way. So, he pulled the door open, his heart throbbing in his chest as he walked up to Robert.

“It’s been a long day. We’ll head home tomorrow, okay?” Bobby told him when he approached.

He had to tell him. He had to “Robert... I-I...”

Bobby raised an eyebrow “Yeah?”

“I... need to tell you something.” he said quietly. He had to, come on, it wasn’t that difficult. After all what they’d been through today, he had to. Bobby tilted his head lightly waiting for him to continue “I have... I feel...” he mumbled and sighed. Why was this simple feeling so difficult? Why? “I don’t want anything bad happening to you.” he said, his voice barely sounding like his.

“I’m okay, nothing happened after all. We are both fine, we killed the vampires, there’s nothin-”

“It’s not that. I-I don't mean that. I-I...” Crowley started to say but he stammered like a teenager trying to talk to their crush “I mean... I care about you. Deeply.” he tried to speak out loud but only a whisper left his lips. Crowley looked down “I care... I have...” he muttered and looked him in the eye, taking his hands to his chest “I have feelings fo-”

“Shhh.” Bobby shushed him and put his finger on Crowley’s lips.

Crowley’s world seemed to collapse down his feet, he felt like he was being ejected from the bottom of a plane. Robert didn’t want him to continue. Robert didn’t want to hear all that, all those stupid feelings. He had shut him before he could say something that could hurt them both. Crowley felt his eyes getting watery within seconds, he had fucked everything up, hadn’t he?

“I know what you mean.” Bobby whispered and caressed Crowley’s lips with his finger, feeling Crowley shivering lightly under his touch as he cupped his cheek. Bobby leaned on him and kissed him tenderly as he pulled him closer. Crowley was confused, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around Bobby’s torso and kissed him back.

“Me too.” Bobby whispered against his lips and felt how Crowley’s grip tightened, bringing him closer. Now he understood. Now they both understood.

Bobby kissed him with passion and at the same time tenderness, making him feel butterflies in his stomach. When they pulled away, Crowley rested his head against Bobby and closed his eyes. Bobby gently rubbed his back and started to peck at his neck, and Crowley pressed his lips against his shoulder in exchange. 

Crowley would say the time had stopped, he was on a cloud, warm into Bobby's arms. He felt safe and for the first time in a long time he felt loved. He pulled away lightly and captured Bobby's lips once more. Kiss after kiss, they got more and more demanding. None of them knew for how long they shared those kisses and those caresses but none of them wanted to pull apart. It was imperfectly perfect and they wanted more.

Bobby slowly pulled away to look at him, Crowley had blushed lightly and his now red lips presented a small smile. He smiled too, and without saying a word he kissed him again before leaning on him and whispering in his ear "Bed?" in a playful tone.

They took off their clothes, one by one, caressing each little portion of skin that was revealed. Bobby ended up pushing him against the bed and pushing his knees aside. Then, he stopped. Crowley pursed his lips and looked up at Bobby who now was just looking at him with a expression that Crowley wasn't able to tell if it was a good or a bad sign.

"Are you okay?" Crowley asked him, afraid their tango would end there. Bobby had never been with another man after all, surely it was shocking "There's no need to... you know..."

"You are adorably sexy." Bobby told him and bent for a kiss, his hand sliding between Crowley's legs and pressing his finger against his entrance. Crowley moaned quietly and took a hold of Bobby's butt. 

When they were ready, their bodies melted. None of them knew where his body finished and where the other's started. They became one. 

“A-Ah, R-Robert.” Crowley moaned after some thrusts. Robert was so sweet, the way he moved, the way he kissed him, the way he caressed him, words weren’t enough to describe the warmth he produced in Crowley’s body.

"Does it feel good?" Bobby said between gasps, making him moan again.

They went on, moaning, squirming, thrusting until they climaxed. They collapsed on the bed, gasping. Crowley rested his head on Bobby's chest and looked up at him. Bobby was looking down at him, he wrapped his arm around his body, bringing him close.

"That was..." Crowley started to say, still gasping.

"Amazing." Bobby said with a silly smile.

They stayed still for a while, recovering their breaths. Bobby gently caressed Crowley's scalp. Crowley felt his eyelids getting heavier as Bobby did so.

"So, have you got any plans for every night in your foreseeable future?" he said and heard Crowley chuckling quietly "No, but seriously, thank you." Bobby told him honestly.

Crowley grinned "You are welcome, darling." he replied quietly before his eyes fell closed.


	6. Rupture

That day had started ordinarily, Bobby was already awake when the little ball he had next to him started to wake up. Crowley had moved to Bobby’s room after their hunting adventure some months ago “Morning, luv.” he said, voice hoarse, and pressed his lips against Bobby’s who returned the kiss with a smile. It had turned out that Crowley was the one for cuddling and kissing and Bobby wouldn’t complain “I’ll go and make breakfast.”

“What’s in your mind?” Bobby asked him when he stood up.

“Pancakes!” Crowley said and winked at him before walking out of the room. Bobby sighed satisfied and looked at the ceiling, it had taken nearly a year but Crowley was all right now, he was happy. Crowley was the best thing that had happened to him since Karen. He was absorbed by his thoughts for some long minutes before standing up on his feet, he headed to the bathroom and took a shower, as he had done every morning since he was young. Then he slid into the first clothes he found and headed downstairs, cap on his hand. When he entered the kitchen, he found Crowley humming happily, he had nearly finished the pancakes.

“I’ll finish that.” he told him “Go and get ready.”

Crowley smiled “Thanks.” he said and went to take a shower and dress up.

Bobby had just finished the pancakes and had just set them on two dishes when he heard the sound of an engine he would never be able to forget, the Impala. Some seconds after the engine had stopped, there was a knock on the door. He put his cap on, walked up to the front door and pulled it open “Hello, Dean.” he greeted him, he hadn’t come back since Sam’s death.

“Hey Bobby, how are you doing?” he said as he entered “What’s that smell? Pancakes?” he asked and walked up to the kitchen, Bobby growled and walked behind him “Are they for me?” he asked when he saw two plates.

Bobby sighed “Of course they are not, idjit.” he said, but Dean was already reaching for them “Don’t!” he told him and pulled the dish away from him. Dean frowned, not really understanding his behaviour. Crowley had finished his shower and had opened the door, his footsteps were clearly audible “So, what do you want?” he said a little bit loud, hoping that Dean wouldn’t hear the noises coming from upstairs, but the frown on his face told him that he had obviously heard them.

“What is that?” he asked as he pointed to the ceiling.

“It’s nothing!” Bobby groaned.

Dean looked at him with a serious look on his face and then smirked “You naughty man...” he chuckled “You haven’t slept alone this night, have you?” Bobby felt the heat raise to his cheeks as he said that “Oh! I am right!”

“Of course you aren’t!” Bobby said and frowned “Just... Look, you have to go, you can’t stay here.”

“Oh come on! I’m not going to take her away from you.” he told him and added quietly “At least not if she doesn’t want me to.”

As they discussed Crowley had walked down the stairs and he was standing by the door frame now, his hand was holding it tightly. He watched them without saying a word, Dean's sight had made him remember about what had happened last time he saw him. His human life had started miserably that day, Sam died and Dean had just beaten him up. He wondered if he knew he was alive, if he had thought about what could have happened to him. He looked up at Bobby, trying to forget about all those bad things and focusing on how good he was feeling just before he had seen the Winchester.

Crowley came back to himself when he heard Dean saying “Fine, fine! I’m going.” as he put his hands up defensively “You should have let me see her, you selfish man.” he told him and turned on his heels. As soon as he saw Crowley, his face dropped, then he tensed and reached for the gun he had in his jacket’s pocket. Crowley’s eyes followed his movements, when he found the gun pointing at his head, his body stiffened. Then, he looked at Bobby and saw fear in his eyes “What’s he doing here, Bobby?” Dean said without turning to look at him, focused on his target’s movements.

“Dean, put that down.” Bobby told him “Put that down now.” he ordered as he started to walk towards him.

“Why would I? He’s Crowley. He’s a monster. A bloody demon. The reason Sam is dead.” he replied “He has to pay for what he did, he has to be dead, and I’m going to fix that.”

“He’s not a demon.” Bobby told him “Not any more. He’s just like you, just like me.” he said and stepped in-between, the gun pointing to him now.

“Bobby, go away.” Dean told him but Bobby shook his head “I’m going to shoot you and then kill that bastard if you don’t step out right now.”

“Robert.” Crowley mumbled, angst was clearly palpable on his voice.

“No, you are not going to do that.” Bobby told him and with a quick movement he took the gun from Dean’s hands and discharged it, letting the bullets fall on the floor “Now, out.” he said and walked him towards the front door. Crowley watched them walk away and sighed as he heard the door closing, he knelt on the floor and started to pick up the bullets.

Bobby escorted Dean to the Impala “What’s wrong with you, son?” he growled “What the fuck was that about?” he demanded him and handed him his gun.

Dean sighed and shook his head “The King of Hell shows at your front door and you let him in? Oh, yes lets make cupcakes and have a tea party!” he snorted and took his gun “You, Bobby? You!? Of all the men out there, of all the hunters, it had to be you! You had to take care of that bloody bastard! I wasn’t expecting that from you.” he shook his head in disbelief “You are a hunter. You should have put a bullet between his eyes as soon as you saw him.” he pulled the Impala’s door open “You know it is not okay, Bobby. You have to kick him out. If you don’t, I’ll be the one coming here and killing him.” he told him and got into the car, he turned the engine on and left.

When Bobby came back home he found Crowley sitting in front of the pancakes, the bullets were placed on the table. His eyes met him as soon as he walked in “Is everything all right?” Crowley asked him, Bobby merely groaned in response and took a seat in front of him. He started to eat his pancakes, Crowley’s eyes were fixed on him, he tilted his head lightly and narrowed his eyes before letting it go and starting to eat. They ate silently, once Bobby had finished he took his plate and put it into the sink, then he started to walk out of the room “Where are you going?” Crowley asked him when he was almost out of sight.

“Outside. I’m going for a walk.” he replied and shut the door behind him. Crowley sighed and looked down at the bullets he had placed on the table some minutes ago, he pressed his lips together and picked up one of them.

Bobby started to walk furiously around the yard, thinking about what Dean had told him. Maybe he was right. No, he knew he was right. He was a hunter and nobody expects a hunter to take care of the most dangerous demon, even when he had been turned into a human. He should have shot him as Dean said, it was his job, yet he felt pity for him and he took him in. Bobby sighed, took his cap off and ruffled a hand through his hair before putting it on again. But, taking care of him was what anybody with a little bit of charity would have done since the ex-demon wasn’t going to hurt anybody, he was just helpless and inoffensive. Yet, Bobby could understand Dean, it was expected from him to kill Crowley, even when he was just an innocuous human, just to make him pay from all the pain he had caused to everybody. He shook his head at the thought, he wasn’t a monster, he refused to kill him, he just couldn’t.

But now that Dean knew he had taken care of him and given his reaction, he couldn’t let him stay. Crowley had to leave. Yes, Crowley wasn’t meant to be here with him, he wasn’t meant to stay, he wasn’t meant to sleep wrapped around his body at nights, he wasn’t meant to kiss him, they weren’t meant to be together. Bobby kicked a rock with anger, questioning himself whether he would be able to tell him to leave, to tell him he didn’t want him here any more, that it was all over, he asked himself if he’d have enough cruelty to tell him ‘I don’t want to see you any more’. He would have to hurt him, he’d make those eyes he loved, those eyes that shinned and reflected him like mirrors, he’d make them fill with tears. And what for? Just to do what the rest of the hunters thought it was the right thing to do.

He clenched his fists, they wouldn’t accept it, even when he was happy with Crowley, or at least he had been until Dean had showed up. Why couldn’t they be happy? Oh, yes. They could be happy in fact, they’d just have to hide from the rest of the world where no hunter would kill Crowley “Balls!” he shouted. That was it, he had to tell him to leave. He couldn’t stay here, not when Dean had just threatened to kill him. The decision was made. It was the right thing to do.


	7. Goodbye

Bobby turned on his heels and walked back home. By the time he entered, Crowley was reading a book, sitting on the couch. He looked up at him expectantly as he closed his book “Shoot already.” he told him with a deep voice, already knowing what he was going to tell him, his chest was feeling heavy. Bobby bit his lip not really knowing how to put it to words “You want me to leave.” Crowley said then, Bobby took a deep breath “Say it.” he told him, Bobby could feel the hurt in his voice, he saw his eyes were getting watery.

Bobby couldn't look him in the eye any more, he looked down ashamed, but Crowley's eyes never left him “I think it will be the best. For the both of us.” he said finally. Then, Crowley stood up, his arms were shaking.

“Maybe it will be for you.” he told him and took his hand, he put the bullet on it and forced him to close it “You should have done it when I came here that day. Would have been easier.” he said and headed for the bedroom. Bobby looked down at his hand and sighed when he saw the bullet.

Crowley closed the door behind him, pressed his back against it and then he sank, the tears were already falling down his cheeks, his chest ached and he wanted to throw up. He thought about how stupid he had been when he had thought that he finally meant something to somebody, when he thought he wasn’t just a demon that had been turned human to Bobby, when he thought he was something more to Bobby. A shaky whimper escaped his lips, and as the thoughts came by, he pulled at his hair impotently trying to concentrate in something else, but the pain on his chest worsened. His mind rushed, what was he going to do now?

He had nowhere to go, he didn’t have a job, he didn’t even know how to drive. He was sure some of the demons where still out there and they knew his face so they’d just kill him if they found him, and the same went for the hunters now that Dean knew he was here. Yet, Bobby was kicking him out, knowing he wouldn’t even last a couple of days. He was kicking him out because of some stupid Winchester’s opinion, not even thinking it twice, not thinking about the good moments they had together those last months.

Crowley pushed himself up and headed for the toilet, the urge to throw up getting more and more intense, his vision was blurry because of the tears. He had thought he’d found a home and somebody to share his fragile human life with. He had been a fool for thinking that. Robert had never loved him. His stomach clenched, the feelings were overwhelming. He fell on his knees and threw up.

Bobby felt like a monster. He had hurt him, and what for? Just because of Dean’s selfish opinion. He walked into the kitchen and took a bottle of whisky, he didn’t mind taking a glass, he just pulled it open and took it to his lips. He was drunk by the mid of the morning, he’d lie if he said there weren’t tears on his eyes. He hadn’t heard Crowley for a while when he fell asleep on the couch.

It was late in the evening when he opened his eyes again, he pushed himself up and took some painkillers, then he headed for the bedroom. When he pulled the door open he found Crowley curled on the edge of the bed, all his personal belongings were carefully placed on the other side of the bed “Crowley?” he called quietly, but the other didn’t reply. Bobby said nothing else and pulled a bag out of his wardrobe, then he started to put Crowley’s things in it. He saw him whimper lightly and bit down his lips, then he headed downstairs, deciding that leaving him alone was the best thing he could do.

Crowley couldn’t say how much time he’d been alone that day, it was already night and Bobby hadn’t come back yet. He knew he should have left by now but he was feeling too numb to actually move, he hoped Bobby would at least understand that. The clock said it was 3 am when he heard Bobby’s footsteps again, he heard him enter and he heard him move things from here to there before crawling on the bed behind him. One of his hands went to rest on his arm but he shrugged it off quickly “Crowley...” he said from behind and attempted to caress his short hair, but he just curled tighter around himself, bowing his head down “Crowley, I am sorry.” he told him.

“Don’t.” his voice sounded hoarse and cut “Shut up.” he told him. Bobby could see how his body went up and down because of the hiccups “I’ll leave by the morning.”

“Okay.” Bobby whispered “I-”

“Do you want me to?” Crowley cut him, not caring about the other hearing him cry, not caring if Bobby could hear how his voice cracked “Do you? D-do you really...” he took a deep breath “want me to leave, Robert?” his voice broke as he pronounced the other’s name. Bobby didn’t reply, which Crowley took as a yes.

“I faked you an ID.” Bobby told him. The pain on Crowley’s chest was unsupportable, he could hear him breathing heavily “I left it in your bag, with the rest of your things. There’s a fake passport with a plane ticket in it. It leaves at 7 pm. I put a wallet with some money in the bag too.” he paused “You can take the bus in the morning so you’ll be there at time.” Crowley didn’t reply and after some time he fell asleep, Bobby sighed “I really wish you could stay.” he whispered and closed his eyes trying to sleep, but he couldn't.

The next morning Crowley woke up and stood on his feet, he didn’t bother to look at Bobby, knowing that the sight would only cause him more pain. He walked downstairs and ate a couple of toasts even when he wasn’t hungry at all. Then, he checked he had everything in the bag Bobby had prepared for him. Before heading for the door, he heard Bobby was walking down the stairs but he didn’t mind about it.

“Wait.” Bobby said behind him, Crowley turned to look at him and Bobby captured his lips in a soft, chaste kiss. He kissed him back lightly and when he pulled away he saw that Bobby had something to say. If Bobby told him to stay, he’d just do it, he had hurt him with what he had done but he would stay with him, he would just forgive him for being a dick and go back to normal. He looked up at him expectantly, wishing the words that came from Bobby’s mouth were those ones, saying him he wanted him to stay.

“Crowley...” he paused “Take care of yourself.” he told him instead.

Crowley pressed his lips together in a thin line, his eyes were getting watery, he gave him a nod “You too.” he said and smiled sadly before walking out of the house. As soon as he turned his back to Bobby, some tears slid down his cheeks. He walked up to the bus stop and waited for it. Everything felt numb that day, on the bus he looked absent-mindedly through the window, he hadn’t looked at his ticket yet, he didn’t know where he was going but it didn't matter. He didn’t care any more.

 


	8. Memories

When Crowley arrived at the airport, he passed the security check and waited there for hours, feeling like everything around him wasn’t really there. When he showed his ticket he saw the flight was for Scotland, back home. He smiled sadly as he thought about Bobby and about the year he had spent with him. They had been happy. That was all he could take from it. 

He took a seat to make his wait more comfortable. All the happy moments he had shared with Robert were coming to his mind. He felt his eyes were getting watery, so he closed them trying to hold the tears back.

* * *

It had all started with lazy morning sex, after that, just went they where wrapped around each other, one of Bobby's phones started to ring. Crowley pursed his lips "Do you really have to pick it up?" he asked him as Bobby unwrapped his arms from him.

"You know I have to." Bobby told him as he pushed himself away, then he stepped on his feet and rushed downstairs. Crowley watched him with a little grimace on his face before letting himself fall on the bed with his arms open. The spot where Bobby had been was warm but the rest of the bed just felt so cold.

After a while, he heard Bobby was coming upstairs and he found himself smiling again. But when Bobby entered, he didn't join him in bed, he started to take some clean clothes instead. Crowley sat up, pouted and looked at him without saying a word. He stayed like that for a while before Bobby noticed it "Don't make that face." Bobby chuckled, but Crowley didn't stop "Come on, idjit." he smiled and walked up to him to give him a kiss on his pouty lips. 

When Bobby did so, Crowley wrapped his arms around him and took him down to bed again "Can't it wait?" he whispered in his ear, hoping Bobby would stay some more time.

"I'm afraid it can't. Garth needs some help again." Bobby explained as he looked down at Crowley "We are gonna have to take a plane."

"A plane? Where are we going? Can't we drive there?" Crowley asked as he frowned.

"Big Sur, California. Some attacks have been reported. We think it might be a Wendigo who has made its way to the South." he replied "For the sake of your butt, we won't be going there by car." he told him.

Crowley chuckled quietly "My delicate butt appreciates that." he said "Do you need me to do something?" he asked him as he started to release him from his grip.

"Don't worry, I'll get everything ready after I take a shower. You can stay here a bit longer." Bobby replied and pecked at his lips before pushing himself up.

"Can I join you instead?" he asked him as he sat up.

"Of course." he replied and made Crowley smile from ear to ear.

After that, Bobby packed all what he thought that was necessary and then, they left for the airport. It wasn't a short flight either, so when they landed, Bobby decided the best thing to do was to rent a car and stay the night at a motel before leaving for Big Sur. 

The next morning, when Crowley started to awake, he noticed the bed was empty and cold. Apparently, Bobby had woken up really early and he was already preparing everything for the day. Crowley rubbed his face and then he stretched, accompanying the movement with a moan "What time is it?" he yawned.

"Already late, come on, get ready, we have to get to the parking and then walk for some time." Bobby told him. Once Crowley was ready and both of them had eaten a couple of toasts, they drove to Big Sur. When Bobby thought they were in the right place, he parked the car and then they started to follow a path, each one carrying a backpack.

"Robert, where are we going now?" Crowley asked him after some hours, having lost the path about an hour ago. Bobby was looking at the map, narrowing his eyes, and Crowley wondered if he really knew where they had to go because he had been hearing the ocean for a while now and Wendigos hid in the woods, not next to the ocean.

"I'm looking for a good place to camp." the other replied as he put down the map and started to walk again. Crowley followed him, thinking about how they were going to fight those Wendigos when he tripped and Bobby reached for his hand "Don't fall down." he told him as he held it tightly "Come on, we are nearly there." he encouraged him and kept holding his hand, which made him smile.

Suddenly, Bobby pulled him by his hand and made him descend a little hill. Then, the ocean Crowley had been hearing the whole the time showed in front of their eyes "Wow." Crowley muttered when he saw the beautiful little beach they had in front of them. He stayed there astonished for a long while before realizing Bobby was looking at him with a big smile. That made Crowley notice there was something quite weird in all that "Robert, what are we doing here? Don't Wendigos live in the woods?"

"We aren't here for the Wendigos, you idjit." Bobby said while his thumb caressed Crowley's hand "Do you like it?"

Crowley was confused "Yes, but..." he mumbled and frowned "If there aren't any Wendigos, what are we doing here?"

"It's a date, Crowley." Bobby told him "I was thinking about it the other day and well, we have never had a date. So, I thought this might be a good place for a first date."

"A... date?" Crowley's heart skipped a beat.

"Yes, a date. More of a getaway to be honest." Bobby replied and looked at Crowley, whose eyes were wide "Don't you like it?" he asked concerned.

"No, it's not that." he muttered and shook his head "It's just- I can't believe it." he paused and took another look at the beach and at the man in front of him. He opened his mouth a couple of times, trying to find his words "It's just perfect." he whispered.

Bobby chuckled lightly "I have a romantic side too, idjit." he told him and put his hand against Crowley's cheek, caressing him lightly.

"You surprisingly do." Crowley smiled and leaned in for a kiss, wrapping his arms around Bobby's neck.

They took a seat under the shadow of a small rock, away from indiscreet views, and Bobby started to take out some things from his bag. In a few minutes, he had put some towels on the sand for them to lie on top. He handed Crowley a pair of swimming trunks with a small smile, Crowley took them and he started to change. Bobby did the same and then, he put his hands on Crowley's shoulders and pushed him down before crawling on top of him. Crowley could feel the heat raising to his cheeks as Bobby sat on his hips.

He was going to ask him what he was going to do when Bobby put sunscreen on his nose and cheeks "You stay like this." Bobby chuckled and then he continued applying the sun cream on Crowley's chest and arms.

Crowley smiled "Am I a pretty girl?" he asked and Bobby leaned down to kiss him with passion.

"You are my pretty girl." Bobby replied. He had ended up with sunscreen on his face because of the kiss and Crowley couldn't but laugh. After a while, they had applied the sunscreen to each other and they were ready to get into the water. They swam, they played like five years old and hugged tightly, sharing tender and passionate kisses.

After some time swimming, they were hungry and Bobby surprised Crowley with a picnic he had been preparing while Crowley was asleep "Did you make all this?" Crowley asked and Bobby nodded as he opened a bottle of wine and poured some of it into a couple of glasses "This is... this is much more than I deserve."

"Don't say that." Bobby said dead serious "You deserve much more than a picnic meal and cheap wine." he told him and handed him a glass.

"This isn't cheap." Crowley said as he smelt it "Thank you, Robert." he smiled fondly and raised his glass "To us."

Bobby smiled "To us."

When they finished their meal, they lay down on the towels, close enough to whisper nonsenses and stupid, cheesy words in each other's ears. They spent the rest of the afternoon going in and out of the water, writing and drawing on the sand. It was in one of those comings and goings when Crowley reached for his arm and stopped him. Bobby didn't have the time to ask him if he was okay when the other man wrapped his arms tightly around his body and pressed his lips against his neck.

"Dance with me, Robert." Crowley whispered against his skin.

"Oh, Crowley." he sighed in relief and smiled at such fondness "You know I don't know how to dance." he said quietly.

"Just hug me and sway." he replied.

Bobby wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly before he started to move slowly. Crowley sighed happily and closed his eyes, letting Bobby lead each one of their movements. He felt warm inside and smiled, kissing Bobby's neck once more. When Bobby kissed his head in return, Crowley just started to caress his back with one fingertip. The same slow movement over and over again. He was writing on Bobby's skin 'I love you'.

"You are tickling me." Bobby couldn't but giggle.

"I enjoy it." Crowley replied quietly "I could spend the rest of my life doing this."

They kept dancing to the music of the waves for what seemed a lifetime before going back to the sand to see the end of the day. When the sun started to set, Crowley rested his head on Bobby's lap and looked at the ocean, it was so beautiful. Then, he felt Bobby's hand on his head, starting to caress his short hair. Crowley smiled lightly and put his hand on Bobby's knee, rubbing his thumb against him lovingly.

It was their first date and Bobby had succeeded in making it the most romantic day Crowley had ever had. Bobby's hand continued caressing his hair and also his cheek. After a while Crowley's movements stopped, the man had fallen asleep with his hand gripping at Bobby.

Their first date prolonged for a week, the best week Crowley had ever had.

* * *

They had been happy.

Crowley sighed and went back to reality, now it was all over. He waited until he heard his flight was being announced and then he headed for the gate. After another long queue he finally got on the plane, his seat was by the window. He sighed and sat down, hoping there wouldn’t be anyone sitting next to him.

He looked through the window and sighed again. After a while, he heard somebody sank down into the seat next to him, but he didn’t turn to look at them. Suddenly, he felt a warm hand on his thigh. He froze and turned to look at the person on his left “Excuse me? What do you think you a-” he started to say, but the sight of the man made him stop talking.

 


	9. Fix it

Crowley had in front of his eyes the man that had kicked him out that same morning. He froze, not knowing what to do. Bobby was looking at him as if nothing had happened, unlike Crowley, who felt a knot in his stomach and the hand on his thigh was starting to make him feel ill.

"Hey." he smiled and gently caressed his thigh.

Crowley looked at him with wide eyes "W-what are you doing here? W-why?" he stammered, but instead of getting an answer, Bobby's hand went to reach for his cheek. Before Bobby could touch him, he jerked away "Don't touch me." he tensed and said without thinking as he pushed his back against the small window. He saw how Bobby's smile disappeared and felt sick because of it, but after all what had happened, he didn't want to feel his skin again.

"I am sorry." Bobby said sincerely as he looked him in the eye “I hope you can forgive this idjit."

Crowley felt his eyes were getting watery and shook his head "No." he replied "I-" he took a deep breath "You wanted me to leave, Robert. Y-you kicked me out-"

"I've never wanted you to leave. I've never told you so." Bobby cut him "I know you are hurt, but I did it to protect you. Just let me explain myself." he told him but Crowley shook his head again "Please." Bobby's voice sounded almost like a beg.

Crowley looked away and tried to clarify his mind, he took a deep breath, trying to relax. A part of him told him not to listen to Bobby, but the other part hoped Bobby would give him a valid reason for all what happened. He looked up at Bobby and examined him, even when the whole situation was just making him feel sick, he knew that not giving him the chance to explain himself and try to fix it would make him feel even worse. Crowley knew that deep inside, the only thing he wanted was to hug him and feel safe into his arms again "Okay." he sighed "I am listening."

Bobby seemed to relax "Yesterday, Dean threatened to kill you. He told me he would eventually come back and do what I couldn't." Bobby sighed and shook his head as he pronounced those words "You couldn't stay with me any more. You had to leave, otherwise Dean would have just finished the job. I couldn't let that happen." he said as he looked down "I had to let you go- no, I had to make you leave. Even when it was a horrible thing to do." he mumbled and looked up at him "I am sorry I had to hurt you." he told him but Crowley looked away.

As much as Crowley would have loved to believe that and cuddle into Bobby's arms, it wasn't enough. There were lots of things Bobby could have done to protect him and, at the same time, not to make him think that he wasn't wanted any more.

"Crowley, I've never wanted to be away from you. Never." he paused to let the words sink "That's why I am here. That's why I bought two tickets so we could leave together."

Yes, of course, what Bobby was saying was very sweet and tender, but if he had wanted to be with him from the beginning, why lie to him? Crowley pursed his lips and looked at Bobby again, his eyes shinned because of the tears he was holding "Then, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me Dean had threatened you? Why did you just watch as I-"

"I couldn't. I had to make everything credible." Bobby replied "Just think for a while. Dean was watching you. Do you think he would have let you live if he had seen you happy? If we had just walked together through that door? You know he wouldn't have." he said. Crowley knew Bobby was right, after all, suffering could be a worse punishment than death.

"When you left, I called Dean and I made him promise not to look for you, but he said he wouldn't doubt to put a bullet between your eyes if he ever saw you again." he explained "But that's not gonna happen." he assured him and smiled lightly "We are gonna get all old and grumpy together." he paused and added in a quieter tone "Only if you want to, of course." 

Crowley's heart skipped a beat at those words. He looked at Bobby with wide eyes "What?" he barely mumbled "Y-you joking?" he stuttered.

"This ain't a joke, Crowley. I'm serious. I want to get old and grumpy with you." Bobby repeated, but Crowley pursed his lips lightly, making him notice that he didn't quite believe him, that what he had just said wasn't enough. He put his hand on top of Crowley's slow enough to let the other pull his hand away if he wanted, a thing that Crowley didn't do this time "You are my everything, Crowley. You mean the world to me. Everything I did, I did it to protect you. To hurt you was never my intention. All I wanted was to get to live my life with the person I care the most about. All I want is to be with you."

As he pronounced those words Crowley felt a shiver go down his spine, his chest felt warm again. Suddenly, the need to throw himself into Bobby's arms was getting bigger. All the bad things that had happened the last 24 hours where outnumbered by Bobby's confession. Crowley's sight was getting more and more blurry as his eyes filled with tears which didn't take long to roll down his cheeks. 

"Crowley, I-" Bobby was going to say something, but Crowley cut him by wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tightly, hiding his head in his chest.

“R-Robert.” he whimpered as he tightened his grip. 

“Hey...” he soothed him and hugged him back "Don't cry." he whispered as he kissed the top of his head. 

"I thought I-" he hiccuped "Lost you." he told him as he tightened his grip, his fingers clung to Bobby almost desperately.

"Shh... Calm down..." Bobby said and rubbed his back gently "You won't lose me. I'm here. Nothing's gonna pull us apart, I promise." he told him and Crowley nodded lightly against his chest.

Crowley would have never pulled away from Bobby, no matter how miserable or pathetic he looked through other people's eyes. Bobby didn't care, he just wanted to make Crowley happy again, he just wanted to make him feel secure and loved. It wasn't until they announced they were going to take off and that they had to seat correctly that they pulled away.

As soon as Crowley pulled back, Bobby cupped his cheek and wiped away his tears with his thumb "No more crying, okay?" he told him.

Crowley leaned into the touch "Okay." he whispered.

Bobby looked at him with endearing eyes and gave him a small smile "Good." 

Crowley rested his head against the seat and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down completely, throwing away all the bad and keeping the good. Everything was all right now. They were going to be together. Bobby saw how Crowley's lips formed a smirk and heard him giggle under his breath "You know, Robert. I'm afraid you're already grumpy." he told him as he looked at him.

Bobby chuckled "Don't say nonsenses." he shook his head "We both know I can get better at it." he whispered and winked at him.

"Please no." Crowley laughed quietly.

They remained quiet for some time until Bobby noticed Crowley's eyelids were getting heavy. He leaned on him, putting his lips close to his ear "Why don't you try to sleep?" he whispered "It will make you some good."

Crowley considered it for some seconds before grabbing Bobby's arm, taking it to his chest and wrapping his arms around it. Then, he rested his head against Bobby's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"I won't leave." Bobby assured him but Crowley just tightened his grip.

"I'm making sure." he replied quietly. The flight was long and eventually both of them ended up drifting off. Each time Crowley woke up lightly, he opened his eyes to check that Bobby was still there with him before falling asleep again.

"Hey... princess..." the deep voice sounded right next to his ear "We are going to land now. Wake up."

Crowley opened his eyes and started to sit up. He looked at Bobby with sleepy eyes, all his hair was a mess, some locks of hair up, some down, some everywhere. Bobby's lips curved up at the sight and knew he had done the right thing, going to the end of the world where nobody would know them to savour each one of those moments. Crowley was endearing and adorably sexy.

"I love you." Bobby told him for the first time, making his chest warm. Crowley's eyes shinned and his lips curved, forming a sincere smile. He leaned on him and pressed his lips against Bobby's, giving him a chaste long kiss before pulling away and looking him in the eye.

The shorter man looked at him with a smile and that silly, sleepy look on his face for some long seconds before telling him "I love you too."

Bobby smiled from ear to ear when he heard him say it. The happiness he felt was much bigger, much more deeper than what he had actually thought. He couldn't but put both of his hands on each side of Crowley's face and kiss him deeply, taking him by surprise.

He had done the right thing. He was sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it to the end! I hope you enjoyed your reading!!  
> Please leave a comment telling me what you think :)  
> Have an amazing day!! xoxo


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